It is the first day of school for the kids. I was both nervous and excited for this day to come but strangely it hasn’t been all it was cracked up to be. The house is quiet. I have had to face myself all day and it hasn’t been all that fun. I’ve got about fifteen minutes left of this.
Still, I haven’t run away from it. It’s been a moment-by-moment forecasting broadcast. How am I doing now? I keep asking. How about now? How about now??? It kind of reminds me of being on jury duty. It’s like sitting in that room all day knowing you’ll be sitting all day unless you’re not, I mean, unless you’re called or something. You think it might be great. Maybe you’ll catch up on some reading or work or meet new people. But basically you’re really just on hold. How am I doing now? (See what I mean, it’s out of control.)
Speaking of running away or life-on-hold, I also haven’t run away from Velvet…yet. Although I didn’t take her out on the trail after the last few terror rides we’ve been on lately, I did lead her on a walk around the ranch in the 100+ degree weather. It was kind of like the first day of school. A little blahh…
Last night I dreamt that I wrote a book. It was actually a series of little books and I could see that I had illustrated them. They were all titled Dear Me: subtitle and each subtitle summed up the book like Dear Me: Greed or Dear Me: Self-Loathing. The stories all followed the same model starting with, “Dear Me, I don’t know if you know this but I know you have it all but you still want more and I hope you don’t mind but I’ll just let you take it from everyone else and not be happy about it when you actually get it because you’ll still just be focused on getting MORE.” The stories would go on and on like that with an illustration of a girl in a bat suit piled high with crap until she is squashed on the ground and alone and sad and the moral of my story was to obviously be free of greed and fly around a happy Bat Girl. It was something like that. I should’ve written it down when I woke up and then maybe I would’ve remembered some more of the specifics.
But even without having done so, I get the point, Mr. So-Subtle-Subconscious. I probably don’t have to Actually write the books to get the point. It’s to wake up and BE HAPPY! Ok, so fine, I’ll do it.