Encore Lebanese

So this lady today was telling me about her Lebanese mother-in-law. She lives with them. She’s got a five month-old daughter, her husband, and her mother-in-law living with her. No matter what she does the mother-in-law gets in the way.

“First she took over my house, then my daughter, then my husband, and now she’s trying to control me! And it’s not going to happen!”

How can she do that, I ask her.

“I go into my kitchen and start cooking. You know what she does? She comes in and says, ‘What are you doing?’
I’m cooking! I tell her.
‘Well go ahead then and cook for your husband! See how he likes it!’
My God, I’m going to die before I’m 28. I’m going to explode at this woman and it’s going to kill me. And you know what else? No matter what I say, she cries. Every time. I’m in the kitchen again. All I want to do is fry an egg. She uses oil, I use butter.
‘That’s not the way you do it,’ she tells me.
No, that’s not the way YOU do it, I tell her, but it’s the way I do it, ok? And that’s it. She starts crying.
It’s not only in the kitchen. I’m watching TV. It’s the middle of the afternoon. She comes in and she says,
‘When my son was a baby, I bathed him in the afternoon.’
But I don’t, I bathe my baby at night.
‘That’s the wrong way,’ she tells me. Then she storms out of the room crying.

I told her how nice my mother-in-law is. I told her my mother-in-law says she loves it when her kids get married because now they’re someone else’s responsibility.

“Does your husband have a brother?” she asks me.
“You know my husband. He used to always tell me he was going to leave me. It really got to me, you know, I’d back down right away. And then one day it hit me. He was at work, we were on the phone, and he said it again.
‘That’s it I’m going to leave you.’
And you know what I did, I said,
‘Don’t worry about  it because when you get home tonight I’m not going to be here and you’re not going to see me or your daughter and he said,
‘If you leave me we’re going to have a real problem,’and I said,
‘forget it, it’s done, I’m packing my bags, it’s over, I’m sick of this.’
And let me tell you, that man got from downtown all the way home in ten minutes. Can you imagine how crazy he must’ve been driving? And from then on, that was it. No more ‘I’m going to leave you’ out of him.

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